“But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.” – Philippians 1:23-24

Did my Resurrection Day missive leave you a little lost? My wife said it jumped around and didn’t really make much sense.

Honestly, I meant to do that! I was conveying the disjointed, busy-ness that accompanies every annual Resurrection Day celebration. Eggs, candy and family dominate this event each year.  Time for thoughtful introspection is hard to find.

As I took time to think, I remembered a trip that I took to Pennsylvania as a child to visit my grandparents. My first night ever being so far away from home, I cried in fear because I just wanted to go home.

Do you ever feel like you just didn’t want to be here anymore? Like somehow this world wouldn’t miss a beat if you abandoned your instrument? Don’t you ever just wanna go home?

I often struggle with the desire to go home. I want to escape the pressure of letting people down. I’m tired of doing things that I’m certain disappoint God. Yet, as soon as I entertain such a thought, I always recall that my local band still needs me to play.

As far as the grand portrait is concerned, I’m insignificant…but my little Polaroid affords me substance. My wife needs my love, support, and security. My children need my discipline and direction. My cats…well…they need a new home! Does anybody want a couple of knucklehead cats?

We struggle with our desire of a painless existence of peace and harmony. However, we must accept that it isn’t our time. God still has a reason for our being here.

"I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate…What a miserable man I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death? I thank God for saving me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” –Romans 7:15 & 24-25

As I scribe my first online Resurrection Week missive I’m also baking some fish sticks for my kiddoes, and myself. So if I have to take a minute to tend to dinner, I’m sure you’ll understand.

I must say that I’m looking forward to waking up Resurrection morning and making eggs, sausage, and biscuits for the family. OK, its time to scrap my plans…must have breakfast for dinner! Just kidding, we are sticking with the sticks for tonight.

Tell me, who could really feel depressed on Good Friday?

Maybe a man whose hope seems perpetually deferred? Whose desire is to let go and lay hold yet he is so trapped by the clothing he wears.

It doesn’t feel like Resurrection week to me this year. I’m sure some of it has to do with the week that has found me this year. Disappointment, stress, frustration, anger, fear, failure…and that was just Monday. Just so you’ll know, improvement wasn’t the motif this week!

Or was it? Why do I recognize the darkness I thought I left behind in the rear-view mirror also riding in the backseat of my life. As Mark Hall wrote in the Casting Crowns song ‘East to West’,

The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

As I look around I see everybody else getting it right while I continue in my shameful floundering. Who is the man I see in the mirror? Where is the joy he once had to face another day? Has he always been this short? When did he get, well, so…ordinary?!

True criticism begins within…or as Jesus said, “First, take the log out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your friend’s eye.”—Matthew 7:5

Suddenly realization hits…is that burning fish sticks I smell? Excuse me a moment while I get dinner on the table…

OK, I’m back! Where was I? Oh yeah, the sudden realization section. Is it just me or is it true for you too? When I’m looking at someone else I can always find an easy comparison…for better or for worse…depending on the mood that I’m in at the moment!

Sin and secrecy seem to stain even the most sterile parts of our lives. Paul wrote, “When I want to do good, evil is there with me.” –Romans 7:21 I promise that is not just my OCD talking.

Have I mentioned that I love the radio station K-Love?

Why is it that the kiddoes’ dinner so often becomes daddy’s after dinner snack?

Do you ever feel like this:

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

…that also happens to be from the song ‘East to West’!

I guess I’m challenging you, and myself, to Resurrection living. Too often we spend this life on Good Friday, pulling Jesus’ bloody corpse from the cross when we should be receiving His resurrected glory from the grave.

It’s too easy to bath in our shame, sadness and disappointment instead of grappling with the concepts of faith, hope and love that should be the hallmark of our new life.

Did I mention that I train in Jiu Jitsu (grappling)?

Take some time this weekend and think about how different life would be if we spent more time realizing His glory instead of writhing in our shame.

Man, I only got one stinkin’ fish stick! Oh well, guess I blessed to have leftovers from my lovely wife’s cooking!